This is what it means

It's been one month today since we lost Logan. My heart is still aching and secretly I have been pretending that he's just gone for a little while - like a bad joke - or a long trip and that soon the phone will ring and he'll be there asking for a hair cut. I know that is not reality but it seems to help ease the pain of losing him. The boys - especially Rylan - pray each night that God will let him come back home.

This is hard.

Really hard.

Over the last month there are lyrics to a song that keep running through my mind and I know our hope is in Christ and I am praying that Logan is with the Lord and that one day I will see him again. In my heart I hope and long for that day. For I know when I do get to see him again, I will run and throw my arms around him and finally get to tell him how much I have loved him... all along... and how much I have missed him for all those years.

We have been so blessed by the outpouring of love and support over this last month. I am so thankful for all the people that God has placed in my life. It's been amazing to see our friends drop everything to surround us with meals and love and hugs and support. My co-workers just jumped in and took over my job to allow me time to prepare for Logan's service and have time to grieve over his loss.

In times like these it is so evident to me of God's faithfulness and how he uses us to impact the lives of others. The week before Logan's death I had been asking God to increase my faith. I know that is a dangerous prayer to pray but I have to say, I have seen in this terrible storm full of heart ache and pain, that he's there to see us to the other side.

Logan life has had such an impact on so many. Even in his death - people that I barely know have called me; one man even crying and sobbing about how he showed his wife the "Have a Nice Day" tribute video of Logan and how it's impacted them by the loss of his life. Logan was an absolute gem, he said. I couldn't agree more. So many have committed to Live Like Logan and embrace life and those around them. Live passionately and abundantly.

He was witty and smart. A total jokester and party animal. He lived fast and played hard. He had goals and ambition and was a little reckless. He was stubborn and passionate. He loved the ladies. And facial hair. And poofy crazy untamed messy hair. Which always drove me nuts.

If I would have known that that last haircut would have been the last time I saw him, I would have made it last just a little bit longer.

I love you Logan. I miss you terribly. I can't wait to see you again.



This is what it means to be held



How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life


And you survive


This is what it is to be loved and to know


That the promise was that when everything fell


We'd be held...