This is what it means

It's been one month today since we lost Logan. My heart is still aching and secretly I have been pretending that he's just gone for a little while - like a bad joke - or a long trip and that soon the phone will ring and he'll be there asking for a hair cut. I know that is not reality but it seems to help ease the pain of losing him. The boys - especially Rylan - pray each night that God will let him come back home.

This is hard.

Really hard.

Over the last month there are lyrics to a song that keep running through my mind and I know our hope is in Christ and I am praying that Logan is with the Lord and that one day I will see him again. In my heart I hope and long for that day. For I know when I do get to see him again, I will run and throw my arms around him and finally get to tell him how much I have loved him... all along... and how much I have missed him for all those years.

We have been so blessed by the outpouring of love and support over this last month. I am so thankful for all the people that God has placed in my life. It's been amazing to see our friends drop everything to surround us with meals and love and hugs and support. My co-workers just jumped in and took over my job to allow me time to prepare for Logan's service and have time to grieve over his loss.

In times like these it is so evident to me of God's faithfulness and how he uses us to impact the lives of others. The week before Logan's death I had been asking God to increase my faith. I know that is a dangerous prayer to pray but I have to say, I have seen in this terrible storm full of heart ache and pain, that he's there to see us to the other side.

Logan life has had such an impact on so many. Even in his death - people that I barely know have called me; one man even crying and sobbing about how he showed his wife the "Have a Nice Day" tribute video of Logan and how it's impacted them by the loss of his life. Logan was an absolute gem, he said. I couldn't agree more. So many have committed to Live Like Logan and embrace life and those around them. Live passionately and abundantly.

He was witty and smart. A total jokester and party animal. He lived fast and played hard. He had goals and ambition and was a little reckless. He was stubborn and passionate. He loved the ladies. And facial hair. And poofy crazy untamed messy hair. Which always drove me nuts.

If I would have known that that last haircut would have been the last time I saw him, I would have made it last just a little bit longer.

I love you Logan. I miss you terribly. I can't wait to see you again.



This is what it means to be held



How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life


And you survive


This is what it is to be loved and to know


That the promise was that when everything fell


We'd be held...

 

Ketchup

So I haven't been on here in quite awhile! Sorry guys!!!

Let's play KETCHUP.

Shortly after the last posting we were blessed with baby Christian's arrival - he is such an angel! I was induced and the little smarty pants thought it would be funny to try and come out hand first, then elbow first. Needless to say, I ended up having to have an emergency c-section since he was just not cooperating. He was 8.1 lbs at birth and 21 inches long. Daddy was SUPER brave and held my hand and watched the whole process of the c-section because I was terrified. I am talking - can't stop shaking - terrified. But it was a pretty quick delivery - just the recovery time took a little longer this time around.

Uncle Devin and Aunt Sarah were such a big help.

And we all can't stop talking - to this day about how Christian is a carbon copy of Rylan! Their baby pictures are almost identical - it's so funny!

Braden & Rylan were SO excited to meet their new brother and we have all just enjoyed having him as a part of our family. He's a sweet little handsome boy. Just smiley and happy nearly all the time.

When he was a week old, he would start smiling while dreaming. I caught him smiling when he was just 8 days old. I love love love this picture.

Christian's now 8 months old and is crawling like crazy. Today he got up on his knees to crawl for one of the first times. Before he would do the arm crawl and pull him self up on the furniture and toys around the house. He's learned to clap - super cute. He's mostly bald and is teething. He loves loves loves his big brothers and Braden is such a great helper. Rylan is really good at making Christian belly laugh. Christian loves his puffs and is now holding his own bottle and said 'mama' for the first time a month ago. He loves his daddy but we're still working on the word 'dadda'.

Over the last few months we've been busy having lots of fun. Braden's lost a few more teeth. Rylan's still freaked out about this. Daddy FINALLY tiled the boy's bathroom upstairs and I am chomping at the bit to get the master bathroom re-done. I cannot wait for the day that our shower gets the long awaited makeover.

This summer we went iceskating, to the pool, to California (the beach) and have enjoyed Travis being home on vacation for awhile. He's in the training postion with DPS and is loving that schedule. I am much more at peace knowing he's off the road - it's sooooooo dangerous and just too dang hot! He comes home sweaty, gross and grumpy. I am loving the new 'in office' schedule for him. He's also looking mighty fine after losing 25 lbs by dieting and excerising. We've been doing a 3 mile power walk each night with the kids and it's going really well so far. A little hot though - since we are still averaging 101 degrees at 9 pm :( Here's some of the Cali photos...

(note the mother in the left corner rushing in to save the baby from the water)

Tomorrow Rylan starts swim lessons and Braden has a summer camp at church this week that he is excited about. Rylan will be attending full day preschool this year at Sonoran Heights so he and Braden will have virtually the same schedule. I am really looking forward to this as I think he's really going to be prepared for kindergarten this way. Hard to believe it but Braden will be in 2nd grade this year! He's doing great and made us the most adorable card for our anniversary yesterday!

It was the big #5 for Travis and I yesterday so we snuck away for the night to our fav hotel - Hyatt at Gainey Ranch - and had some one on one for the evening. Went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and lounged by the pool for the evening. Sleeping in till 9 am was heaven! But by morning we were missing our babies too much.

(the hotel even surprised us with champagne & chocolates!)

Today Braden had another hockey lesson - so funny. All the kids in his class spend the majority of the time trying to stay up on the skates. He's really enjoying this sport and we might continue it in the future. This fall he's going to also start football and is looking forward to that too.

This year Rylan turned 4 and had a Lego party that I started planning 3 months in advance. It turned out super cute and I am kicking myself for not taking pictures! I made lego pops - lego brick chocolate topped cupcakes - lego party cups - lego gift bags and on and on and on. The best part is Trav set up the lego man by the door to greet the kids when they came in. It turned out really cute and was our best party thus far.

Braden just turned 7 and for his birthday we did a joint party with his buddy Trey Pareja at a friends house. They had so much fun swimming and slamming each other with birthday cake. Then on his "real" birthday we headed out to ChuckECheese. He and Rylan and his friend Cayden spent the evening loaded on pizza and tokens.

These little people are growing up too fast and eventhough we are always on the go - crazy busy - I have to say I am loving this life. Promise I'll keep my postings a little more frequent!!!